The Rantings of a Single Woman at Home on a Saturday Night

I have re-emerged! I have my doubts that anyone actually reads this, but who knows! Tonight, at least, I am writing for my own mental and emotional well-being, regardless of who's toes I might step on. Tonight, I am that most cliche and taboo "bitter single woman." And yet can you blame me? Here I sit, in my pajamas on a Saturday night watching reruns of Frasier. Now, I'm not so vain as to think that I'm anyone's Angelina Jolie (do those women even exist?), but I like to think of myself as at least semi-attractive. And anyone who has ever tasted anything I've baked has always followed it with, "wow, you are going to make someone a great wife one day!" Both trivial things to be sure, but would you believe me if I said that I also have a great personality? All this, irrelevant. Because the fact of the matter is, I've seen what is on the market nowadays, and quite frankly, I prefer Frasier and my pajamas.
I have met the workaholics. The otherwise kind, romantic gentlemen who I'm sure would be charming dates if only you can pry them away from their Blackberry long enough to have an actual conversation. And no matter how charming you might have been, you can forget a second date; it was a sheer blessing from the dating gods that you found a gap in their schedule that they could go out the first time. To try and tempt fate again would be just too much. Perfect husbands I'm sure for the wives who would rather see their husband's money than their husbands, but not for me.
And then of course we have the opposite, the "artistic," "free-spirited" ones who spend the entire date talking about themselves, their feelings, their dreams. Quite an easy date really, but really more suited for the deaf mute than the vibrant, intelligent female like myself. And don't get me wrong, I love a stroll in the park as much as the next romantic, but on multiple dates to avoid paying for meals...not nearly as effective.
I've dated the sentimentalists, usually just coming out of a long relationship, wanting to take things slow...unless of course you're willing to come back to their place tonight for a drink. Eventually, though, no matter how sweet they seem, some old flame will call them back one day, and all of the sudden its, "Oh, I hope I didn't give you the wrong impression." Of course you didn't. You're a man. I get it. Same thing with the overly anxious room-workers who ooze self-confidence out of every pore, only usually that self-confidence pushes the fast forward button on the whole thing and its over within the week.
Of course there is no way that I can cover all of you lovely specimens (yes, bad pun intended) out there. But I would be remiss to leave out the good guy, the friend, the sweet little back-up plan that waits himself right into a groomsman position at the love of his life's wedding. Here is where I am a bit reluctant to say it, because I know guys like you well, but I'm going to anyway: no woman wants a timid man. We want to be the demure, coy, elusive ones. And dammit, we want you to chase us, to fight for us, to sweat and struggle for us. Granted that you, gentlemen, will get turned down. No questions about it. But if she isn't worth the feeling of rejection, then she wasn't worth going after. More plainly put, if you don't have the balls to ask her out, then maybe you aren't really that into her.
I know we live in a day and age where it is perfectly acceptable for a woman to ask a man out on a date. And I thoroughly resent it. Men, how can you allow us to emasculate you like this? What an opportunity to show us how bold and daring, how adventurous you are. Not to mention how caring...to shelter us from the possibility of having to face rejection. How could you let us take that away from you? I, for one, refuse to do so.
Of course, the classic argument would be that I am tearing down all these stereotypes without giving a realistic ideal to put back up in their place. And that is because, honestly, I haven't met him yet, so I can't tell you what he is. I am not, at least in this respect, a perfectionist...I like to think of myself as a realist, and that I do understand at least a little bit about men. A love for sports/action movies/video games/other forms of controlled violence, (we'll call it) "appreciation" for the female anatomy and it's...diversions, cringes of disgust and fear at the slightest mention of emotions, and an awed incomprehension (humor me) of the female brain and its idiosyncrasies.
I will say of this last one that I do find for the most part it is from a sheer lack of effort on the part of men that they don't "understand" women. Most of the time, though we try to be "supportive," we hate your bowling trophies as much as you hate our shoe fetish, which is why its helpful if men and women have time away from each other to do things that only men or only women seem to like to do. But in the time that you men do spend with us, for goodness sake, at least try to be a little romantic. We won't take you to the mall on a shoe expedition if you don't take us to a sports bar to watch that "big game" (unless of course you are one of those brave women who is actually into that...in which case, kudos). But men, do your homework. If you seriously don't know what women want, then invest the time and money and rent a chick-flick (think of it as an educational experience...or a conversation starter...or a way to get laid...whatever). We're not as difficult as you make us out to be...at least not in the beginning.
Perhaps you think me foolish and old-fashioned, and that is perfectly fine with me. Maybe you think I am being unfair, and I am...but you know what, I have a right to be. Because IF I ever decide to enter into wedded bliss, it is going to be with a man as close to my ideal as I can find. In my beliefs, this is something you only get one shot at (or at least, only one at a time), its not something to be taken lightly, and I believe its something I can afford to be a little picky about. And if that means that I end up in my 40s watching Frasier in my pjs on Saturday nights, then so be it!